During the summer, numerous incidents of cougar sightings and attacks were reported on Vancouver Island. So, when I suggested that we fish off a point in the village of Sayward, Vancouver Island, John's response was no surprise.
John: Absolutely not. We are not fishing from there.
Shelley: Why not? John: You heard Dan (campground owner). There's a female cougar out there that's not quite right in the head.
Shelley: You're not quite right in the head. John: Ha! Ha! Ha! Shelley: Come on. We've been fishing from the dock all day and haven't even had one nibble. The whole point of this trip was to catch fish.
John: The Conservation guys and the RCMP are out there now trying to track and kill it. I am not going to get between them and a cougar. Shelley: They've been tracking it down for at least four hours now. No way will it be anywhere near the point. God, you always find something to panic about. John:No. Shelley: I have an idea. You saw that couple hike past us and go into the woods, right? John: Shelley, I know where you are going with this. No. Shelley: If we don't hear anything in the next 20 minutes, we go and join them. Deal? John:Jesus Christ Shelley.No. I'll buy you a fish. Shelley: Not the same. When Jason took us out to the point he carried his machete and you felt perfectly safe.
How about we borrow Dan's machete? I already asked him. What about that? John:A - I did not feel perfectly safe, and B- What does Jason know? He's only lived here for 8 years. No. Shelley:You can carry it.
John: No. Shelley: I'll even go first. John: Do you know what to do if a cougar attacks?
Shelley: Of course. Run. Hopefully faster than you. Ha! Ha!
John: Ha! Ha! No. That is not correct.
Shelley: Oh for God's sake. I'm kidding. I know not to run. You worry about everything. Look, we just spent three days at Crest Creek Crags climbing despite the fact that there are always bears in that area. This is no different.
John: The difference is I'm not going out there. Not a chance...
HOLY S@#$!!!!!! THOSE COUGARS ARE BAD ASS!!! I now solemnly swear the next time we are out in the woods I will never: 1. Make fun of John's survival instincts. 2. Whisper, say, yell, "What was that?" or "Did you hear that?" and "Is that what I think it is?" 3. Take a small branch and gently rub it on the back of John's leg pretending it's a scorpion, spider, snake, etc. 4. Share horror stories about whatever is freaking him out at the time; bears, cougars, scorpions, spiders, snakes, etc. 5. Never, ever leave home without our dog, rocks, sticks, fishing poles, and trusty machete. 6. Oh and of course, never, ever leave home without John!
I Promise...
Shelley and John
PS: If you do spot a cougar on Vancouver Island, call
Before Matt flew to Kuwait, to start his new teaching job, the four Smiths took a road trip to Sayward, Vancouver Island... Husband John: Let the adventure continue.Fist pump!Shelley, the best bit is we have both Matt and Andrew with us. Boys, I've been thinking. On this trip I want you to drive the truck while it's towing the fifth wheel. Time to man up. 27 year old Matt: No. 25 year old Andrew: No. Shelley: No. John: Why not? Shelley: Besides the fact that the roads don't have shoulders and they've never driven the truck towing the fifth wheel? John: You never support me. Matt: Andrew, one less needle in your arm is more money for your wedding. Andrew: Good to know.
John: Shelley, see that sign. Hay.
Shelley: Hay.
Matt: Boy, going through Saskatchewan must be a Hell of a good time for you two.
John: Did I tell you about our last trip to Sayward? We caught 8 fish.
Matt: Yes. Dad, and that is why we can't talk every day on the phone. You repeat your stories. John: You hung up on me the last time I called you and Andrew. Matt: Oh my God. You had already called us three times that day. John: But, I had something to tell you. Matt: What? John:... Well now that you ask. I can't remember. Matt: Mom, can you turn off the air con? My gonads are tiny. Andrew: Pretty sure it's not the air con.
Matt: Ha! Ha!... Hey, stop bugging me. Andrew: Let's do "rock paper scissors" to see if I leave you alone. Matt: Andrew! Don't touch me! I mean it. Andrew: I wasn't. This is touching. Googly. Googly. Matt, why won't you talk to me? We're on a road trip. Last before you go. Matt: For @#$%s sake! We just spent four days together. There's nothing to talk about. Andrew: What about... Matt:Arghhh. Ash would never put up with this @#$%! Andrew: I'm just going to put the garbage pail on your side. Matt: No. It's fine where it is. Andrew: I don't want it on my side. How about in the middle? Matt: I don't want it in the middle. I want it exactly where it was. Andrew: What's wrong with you? Why are you so grumpy? Matt: I just want to read my comics. For the love of God. Mom!! Shelley: Baby carrots anyone?
Matt: Andrew, can you chew louder? Andrew:Sniff. Sniff. Gak. Gak. Look at this carrot. It's going to be sooo loud.
Matt: Why did I agree to this trip? Shelley: I have an idea. Let's see whose carrot lasts the longest. John: That's what she said. Everyone: Ha! Ha! Ha! John: Look! There's a field full of bison.
Matt and Andrew: Dad!!! You need to drive and let us look. John: But, I've never seen bison there before. Andrew: Do you know how to tell the difference between a buffalo and a bison? John and Shelley: You can't wash your hands in a bison. Andrew, Shelley, John: Ha! Ha! Ha! Matt: Holy @#$%! How much longer? John: Time to listen to my podcast. I need to set the station at 105.1. Just give me a sec. and... Matt and Andrew: Mom! You do it, so dad doesn't kill us. Shelley: Do you promise to stop bickering? Matt and Andrew: Yes, Mother Dearest. Shelley: And, then go to sleep?
Matt and Andrew: Yes, Mother Dearest.
Shelley: I know what that means. Matt, Andrew and John: Ha! Ha! Ha! Night times...
Matt: Andrew, for the love of God. Play. Andrew: I don't appreicate your tone, Matt. Matt: That's it. I quit. John, Shelley, Andrew: You can't quit. This is a fishing holiday. Matt: Trust me the fish are on a $#%^ing holiday.
Bedtimes... Matt: Andrew, I want to sleep on this bed.
Andrew: Get off it Matt. That's my bed. Matt: We need to take turns. It's called sharing. Andrew: No. We never agreed. Besides, I really, really love this bed. Matt: Andrew, you're such an Asshole. You're just doing that because I want this one. We're switching.
Andrew: Not a chance. I slept on that bed for 3 nights. It's your turn. Matt: That's such BS. You slept on it for one night. Andrew: Not if you count last summer. Matt: Fine. I'm, going to bed to read my comics. Andrew:... Matt. Matt:... Andrew: Matt. Matt: Andrew! Go to sleep. Andrew: OK. We can switch. If you really, really... John: Shelley, the best bit is we have both Matt and Andrew with us.
Shelley and John
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The village of Sayward is located on Vancouver Island. Once a booming logging community, the sleepy town of 410 currently attracts outdoor enthusiasts such as hikers, kayakers, and fishermen. The purpose of our visit was to catch salmon. Yes, the pinks were running. Everyone was catching them. EVERYONE.
First evening, while walking to the dock...
Shelley: We're allowed 4 pinks each, per day. Holy crap. That's 12 salmon. Do we have enough room in the freezer? John: We'll have to buy ice for the cooler. Shelley: Good idea. What about tomorrow we invite Shenley (brother) to join us. He'll love this. John:And, we'll invite your mom and dad for dinner. Shelley: A "salmon" dinner. Shelley and John: Yeah baby! Matt: Wow. You guys are really confident. Shelley and John: Look. Everyone is catching them. We're going to do the same. Guaranteed.
Shelley: Hey there. Can we join you?
Local woman #1: Plenty of room. Shelley: Good idea to wear that life jacket. Local woman #1: I always wear my life jacket because a few years back I fell off the dock.
Shelley: Was it cold?
Local woman #1: It was when I sobered up. Shelley, John, Matthew andLocal woman #1: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Shelley: I've got one. Shoot. It got away. Oh well. There's plenty left in the sea. Ha! Ha! Ha! John: Yes! Caught one. Ahhh. Got away. No worries. I'll just cast again. Ha! Ha! Ha! Matt:..................
Repeat above. Again. And again. And again.Annndddd again... Local man #1: Here. Take this pink Buzz Bomb. I caught all my pinks with that last year. The three pronged hook is so big, no way they'll get away. Guaranteed.
Shelley: Really? Thanks so much. Can I pay you for it?
Local man #1: Wouldn't hear of it.
Shelley: Yesssss!!! Got another one. It's staying on the line. OK. OK! OK!!!! SOMEONE GET THE NET!!! GET THE NET!!!
Local woman #1: I've got the net. Reel it in towards the dock. No. Don't back up. It'll cut your line. Keep the tension. KEEP THE TENSION!!!!!
Shelley: Don't lose it. Please don't lose it. Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! ... That's 3 I've lost. I'm going up to make supper.
John: Got another one! This one is not going to get away. Not this time! Come on you son of a @#$%! Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!... That's 4. I'm going up to start the barbeque.
Matt: Not even a nibble.... I'm going up to read.
Morning of day 2...
Shelley, Matt, John: It's just gorgeous. Today is our day. I can feel it. Let's do it Smiths. Matt: Sorry, I just broke the tip off the rod... John: Just lost my lure.
Early afternoon of day 2...
Matt: Yess! Jesus. Finally! Got one! Get the net. Get the net!! WT? It's charging the dock. It's jumping! It lost the hook. Nooooooo!!!!! I can't even swear because of all these kids around me.
Late afternoon of day 3...
Shelley: (Mutters) @#$%! My last buzz bomb just flew off the end of the line... That's it. I'm done. Local woman #2 (mother of all those kids): If it makes you feel any better, it sure went far. Shelley: Thanks. Local woman #2 (mother of all those kids): My husband can give you one. He always carries extras. John: Here's 5 bucks for one. Husband of Woman #2: You'll catch one with this buzz bomb. Guaranteed.
Shelley: Waahhhhaaaatttttt? There goes my second lure. OMG. I'm sooooo done. I'll just sit here and watch. Local woman #2 (mother of all those kids): My husband can give you another one. Honey? John: All I've got is a 10. Husband of Woman #2: Are you sure? That's too much. I shouldn't take that. But thanks. For $10 bucks I'll tie it on for you. It won't come off this time. Guaranteed. John: (But you have my $5 bucks in your pocket. They're only worth $4. Give me my change.) Thanks. John, Shelley, Matt: OK Smiths. Don't get discouraged. Where there's light there's hope. Let's give it one more hour. We can do this. Smiths don't quit! John: Yes. Yes! YESSSSSS!!!!! GET THE NET!!! GET THE NET!!!! Matt: I've got itGot it. Bring it in. Keep the tension. Local Woman #2: Easy now. Keep the fish in the water until you scoop with the net. Shelley: Come on. You can do it! John, Shelley, Matt: Yaaaaayyyyyyy!!!!! High five! We've got one! Look at it! It's a beauty!!!! Quick. Back to your spots.
Matt: Yess! Caught another one! Get the net. Get the net!! GET THE NET!!!!!!
Local woman #1: I've got the net. Reel it in towards the dock. Don't back up. It'll cut your line. Keep the tension. KEEP THE TENSION!!!!!
Matt: Hey! The fish changed direction. It's charging the fishing boat!!! Don't jump. Don't jump. Don't you dare jump!!!! Nooooooo!!!!! ...Where did the lure go? Oh. No. It's wrapped itself around the pylon. I'm going to have to cut the line and lose the lure... And I still can't swear because those kids haven't left... I'm going up to read.
Shelley: OK. OK. Here we go. Here we freakin' go!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My $10 lure just flew off... That's it. I can't afford to fish any more. I'm going up to drink wine and get the salmon ready. John: Are you OK? Shelley: I'm fine. John: OK if I stay a little longer? Shelley: Fine. John: I'll just cast a few more times. Shelley: Fine.
Matt: Mom. I know just the thing to make you feel better. Guaranteed.
We'll be back. Guaranteed.
Shelley and John PS: Enjoying the blogs? If so, add a comment, click "like" on Facebook, click G+, share with your friends and family on G+, Facebook and Twitter. Become a "Follower." My ultimate goal is to appear on the Ellen Degeneres Show. With your help, Ellen will notice me! Thanks!xo
