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Warning: This blog repeatedly uses the same diagram of the male reproduction system.
After 30 years of teaching, my husband, John and I retired in 2011. We are loving retired life but, we miss our friends, the challenges of living in a foreign country and how maintaining a sense of humour, in the most uncomfortable teaching situations, is mandatory. This blog show cases a few of my favourite memories from the Grade 8 "Sex Ed. Unit." BTW, I have combined two teachers into one, embellished, and where necessary, made things up, so everyone can really appreciate what we're missing. This blog is dedicated to my old Gr. 8 Health team, Aaron and Michelle and anyone who else who has gone back to school.
Mrs. Smith: And that, Grade 8's, is how the male reproduction system works. Any questions?
Male student #1: Mrs. Smith, you said that semen live in a warm, moist environment. Right?
Mrs. Smith: Right.
Male student #1: Does that mean they can live in a bath tub, or a hot tub?
All 16 males of the class, but not one of the 3 girls: DUDE! What were you doing in the bathtub?
Male student #1: What? Nothing. I just saw this episode of "Glee" and wondered if a girl can get pregnant if...
Mrs. Smith: It's OK. I understand. If ejaculation occurs in plain warm water, sperm could survive for a few minutes. But, in very hot water, or water filled with pool chemicals, sperm would not be able to survive for more than a few seconds. Next question.
All 16 males of the class, and all of the 3 girls:...
Mrs. Smith: Next question. Yes?
Male student #2: You said that the penis does not have a bone in it, but consists of sponge like material, right?
Mrs. Smith: That's correct.
Male student #2: But, when I get up in the morning to take a whizz, I can barely push it down enough to hit the toilet. So, my question is...
Male student #3: That happens to me! Sometimes I have to lean over the toilet (stands up and demonstrates) like this.
All 16 males of the class, but not one of the 3 girls: Yesss! Me too... And me... All the time... I know. Right?... And, it hurts... When you miss, there's pee everywhere... God, one time I was trying to go and... You've got to be gentle with it or man... It take so long for it to... Sometimes, I have to stand there and just wait... Exactly... And it never fails, someone starts knocking on the door... Like your mom asking you if...
Mrs. Smith: And your question is?
Male Student #2: Why can't I pee in the morning?
Mrs. Smith: The reason you can't urinate in the morning is...
Mr. Rogewin: (Knocks on the door and immediately enters) Hi Mrs. Smith.
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Not really Mr. Rogewin
Mrs. Smith: Hi Mr. Rogewin. What can I do for you?
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Mr. Rogewin: Sorry to interrupt, but I needed to (Glances towards the front of the room) Oh! I.... ahhh...
Mrs. Smith: You needed to...?
All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...
Mr. Rogewin: Well, would you look at that?... You know, Mrs. Smith, I know all about the male reproduction system.
Mrs. Smith: I would hope so.
All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...
Mr. Rogewin: This might surprise everyone but, right now I am not embarrassed at all. Not at all. No sir. No siree...
All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls:...
Mrs. Smith: That is good news. Most teachers would be very uncomfortable walking into the middle of a lesson about the male reproduction system.
Mr. Rogewin: In fact, I could probably help you with this lesson.
All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls:...
Mrs. Smith: Really? By all means. Where would you like to start?
Mr. Rogewin: Let me see... (Studies the diagram)
All 16 males of the class all 3 girls and Mrs Smith: ...
Mr. Rogewin: (Studies and studies and studies the diagram)...
Mrs. Smith: Or, maybe you could tell me why you...
Mr. Rogewin: No. No. I've got this. OK. Ahem... Who can tell me why we need pubic hair?
Mrs. Smith: Wow.
All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...
Mr. Rogewin: No one? Let me put it another way. Why is pubic hair important?
All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...
Mr. Rogewin: Do we even need pubic hair? Anyone? OK. We do, in fact, need pubic hair... This is because... because...
All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...
Mrs. Smith: Maybe you might like to tell us why you visited the class today.
Mr. Rogewin: Thank you. Yes I would. That's a great idea. Thank you. Fred, do you...
WATCH OUT: THE FOLLOWING IS THE INTRODUCTION TO THE 1983 MONTY PYTHON SEX EDUCATION SKIT. IT CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE AND MAY OFFEND.
Shelley and John
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