Who Needs new Friends?

Andrew, Shelley, Cathy, Rob, Toni, John
Tod, Jin, Matt

"I'm so @#$ing hot!" 

And the Mullen- Smith friendship, spanning 20 years, had begun. (Forgive the profanity, but it was in the sweltering, unbearable 40 degree July heat of Bangkok.)  Last weekend, the Mullens visited us in the Comox Valley. I am pleased to report that our friendship is as strong as ever. Here's why...

Shelley, Rob, Toni, Matt, Jin, Kristie and Charlie                        

No one is rude...
Shelley (Me): Yayyyy!!! TONIIII!!!!!! ROBBIE!!!!!!! How are you? How was the trip? Did you catch up with Matt during the car ride?
Matt (My son): That would have been nice, mom, considering I drove up Island in a hurricane. But, no, Toni slept, while Robbie (mimes snapping a newspaper wide open in front of his face) read the whole way. Right roomie? (On two separate occasions, Matt lived with the Mullens in Kuala Lumpur.)
Rob Mullen: Woahh Matt. That's not true. It took me three and a half minutes to read that rag. Besides, it's not my fault if the Missus dropped some Zanex and napped the entire way.
Toni Mullenb: Rob! I didn't nap the entire way.
Matt:  Rob, that's true, "if" you count the one time Toni woke up yelling and waving her arms in front of my face, because she thought we were in an accident.
Rob: Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. They're so @#$%ing rude to us.

We never bust each others' balls...

Robbie: Andrew (My son). Good to talk to you... How am I doing?...

                               

Well, your mother made me cook on my first night... BTW I don't think she's been in the kitchen since I visited 8 years ago... She couldn't tell me where anything was... Now your family has me playing games... No, not charades... Apples to Apples... If I knew Charades was in the mix, I wouldn't have gotten in the car... Speaking of cars, too bad about Matt hitting that girl's bumper... What? No, I never damaged your van when I used to nudge it at stop lights. It was a tap... Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. Andrew, who is not even here, is busting my balls.

Everyone helps out...

Toni: Robbie, are you asleep?

Rob: How can I be asleep with all of you @#$%ing talking?

Toni: Robbie!

John (my husband): Oh no. It's raining. Shelley, when I stop, jump out and get the shoes out of the truck bed.
Shelley: No. I'll get wet.
Matt, Toni:...
Rob: I'll do it John. Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. They're too @#$%ing lazy to help out.

No one complains...

Robbie: Ah Jesus Johnnie! I'm so @#$%ing cold, my hands are numb. 

Shelley: Robbie, you chose Mt. Washington over a beach walk. 

Rob: You didn't tell me it would be 7 degrees. What is that in real temperatures?

John: About 44 degrees.

Rob: On the fourth of July? Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. It's too @#$%ing cold.

New additions to our families are welcomed...

Jin (Mullen's son): This is Charlie. Aren't you? Tickle. Tickle.  My little baby. Kiss. Kiss Kiss. Go to mommy now.
Kristie (Jin's wife): Here Charlie. Come to mommy. Here you are. Oh you! Kiss. Kiss Kiss.

John: Charlie, the dingo ate my baby.
Matt: Dad, I think you're mixing your quotes.
Shelley: Charlie. Where's my baby, Charlie?

Everyone: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Matt: Hey. That dog's not your baby. Maybe you guys should have a real one.
John: Charlie, the dingo took my baby.
Matt: Nope. Still not right.
Rob: Jesus Christ Toni. We're not coming back here again. The Smiths want us to be the first grand parents.

Guests always get the best gear...

Toni: Is the inside of my boat supposed to be this wet? I think my boat is leaking. Maybe even sinking.

Robbie: Ahh @#$%! My money and my CD list are wet. Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. Once again, they gave us the crappy boats. 

Everyone gets resepect...

Toni: In my next life, I want to be a broadway dancer, so I can dance every day.

Shelley: What about you Robbie? What will you come back as?
Toni: (whispers) An asshole.
Rob: Toni, you are being unpleasant. You haven't been nice to me for the last two months.

We've had conversations about this.

Toni: Not with me.

Everyone: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Rob: A musician.

Matt: A musician??? Why? You go to concerts and don't even get up. You look like this.    

Rob: Matt, I don't need to dance to enjoy the music. I like to sit and appreciate it. Let it flow over me.
Matt: Like this?
Everyone: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Matt: Still roomies, Rob? Do I still have a room?
Rob: Toni. Don't give Matt our new address in England. And, if he does find out, he can sleep on the floor in the kitchen.
Matt: Hi. I'm Robbie. Look at me. I'm enjoying the Stones.

Everyone: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Rob: Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. They're disrespectful.

Everyone stays focussed on the big picture...
Rob: "Spiderman" was great. What did you think Matt?

Rob: Hey watch out for my red wine! You're going to spill it!

Rob: @#$%!!! "I" just spilled red wine all over the white leather couch and my green shirt.

Everyone: (Rushes around grabbing rags and cleaners.) Go! Go! Go!
Rob: Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. I just ruined my favourite shirt. I think I am going to have to throw it out!

Everyone is polite to each other...
Rob: Toni, there's your computer. Don't forget it. (Whispers) I've got to tell her that, because I think the old girl is loosing her memory. (Swirls finger around ear)
Toni: Robbie, can you help me find my hair brush?

Rob: (Whispers some more) Thirty years. Thirty years of marriage. (Normal voice) Where was it last?

Toni: If I knew that, I wouldn't have lost it.

Rob:(Whispers even more) See. This is my cross to bear. (Looks under the bathroom sink) Is this it? 

Toni: I thought I looked there.
Rob: What about this shampoo and conditioner?

Shelley: That's for guests.

John: Shelley. You know what the Mullens are like. Check their bags before they leave. They might steal stuff. 

Everyone: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Rob: Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. Apparently, it's OK to insult your guests.

As you know from my older posts:

http://honeydidyouseethat.blogspot.ca/2012/05/how-to-make-friends-part-1.html
http://honeydidyouseethat.blogspot.ca/2012/05/how-to-make-friends-part-2-take-zumba.html
http://honeydidyouseethat.blogspot.ca/2012/05/how-to-make-friends-part-3-play-rugby.html

we have tried to make friends in the Comox Valley. But who needs new friends, when you've got the Mullens?

Shelley and John

How to Make Friends Part 3 Out with Zumba and In With Rugby

Warning: "We" rugby players swear. A lot. Therefore, in order not to offend anyone, I have used @#$#*!!! for all of the swears.

Also, I have not used names of possible new friends, just in case I jinx it...

Our "finding friends thing" continues because Zumba didn't quite work out. Besides, some "friend" stole our camera, while we were Zumbaing. @#$#*er!!!  And the Comox Paddling Club has yet to have a paddle. So, we went to touch rugby on Thursday which was organized by the Comox Valley Kickers http://kickersrugby.ca/.  I didn't take my camera, as I didn't want people to think I was not cool. (Actually, that's a lie. I forgot it.) In order to give you a visual of the evening, John and I reenacted the highlights (With a football. BTW Who stole our rugby ball? @#$#*ers!!! ).

6:30 A couple of female players get out of their cars...

Blonde Girl: Hey Brunette Girl!!!You @#$@er!!! Where've you been?

Brunette Girl: Hey @#$#*er!!! How's it going? @#$#*!!!

6:35 
Shelley: Begins lacing up her "new" $15 rugby boots... (Actually second hand from Blue Toque www.bluetoquesports.com/) 
John: No Shelley. Rugby players never wear their boots to the pitch. They carry them. It's not cool.
Shelley: OK. OK. Thanks. I do want to be cool. Holy @#$#*!!! I'm a little nervous. I haven't really played touch rugby. You've played rugby all of your life. OMG! Those guys are huge and... Yikes!!! Look at those girls. One has a Canadian National Jersey on. She could easily kill me with one touch. I don't want to get hurt. I think I'm going to just watch.
John: Shelley, it's touch. Come on, you bought your first ever pair of rugby boots for this.

No one 's going to get hurt. Rugby players are the friendliest bunch in the world. Remember, we're here to make friends.
Shelley: OK. OK. You're right. Let's do this.

6:40 Shelley and John warm up...

6:45 Referee blows his whistle...

Referee: OK, you @#$#*ers!!! A reminder, it's touch. No @#$#*ing!!! tackling. It's supposed to be a @#$@ing!!! fast game. If you can't sprint, get off the @#$#*ing!!! field. Seven on seven. Come on ladies. Each team needs at least one of you. @#$#*!!! You in pink. What are you waiting for? A @#$#*ing!!! invitation? @#$#*!!! 

6:50 Roll ball. Pass to scary huge young male rugby player. Pass to blonde girl. Pass to me.
Shelley: (Fakes left. Fakes right. Stutter steps. Sees a scary huge young male rugby player steaming towards her out of the corner of her eye. Runs like her life depends on it. (It does)... and.. and... TRY!!!! A @#$#*ing!!! TRY!!!

7:05 
John: (Goes with the dummy, {a fake pass,} shoots past scary huge young male rugby player.)

Referee: Hey! @#$#*ing!!! scary huge young male rugby player! An old guy just beat you... Sorry, John.
Everyone but scary huge young rugby player: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!

7:20  The other team has the ball. It's passed all the way to scary huge young male rugby player.
Scary huge young male rugby player: (Covers the ball. Lowers his shoulder. Charges.)    Roaarrrrrrrrghhhh!!!

Shelley: Aieeeeeee!
Scary huge young male rugby player: (Stops, but not before landing on Shelley's foot.) Oh! Sorry. Sorry. I forgot it's touch. I've only played tackle.
Pony Tail Girl: Well then, @#$#*er!!! Time for you to learn the @#$#*ing!!! rules of the game.
Shelley: (She could be my friend.) Ha! Ha! Ha! Right? Hi. I'm Shelley. (Want to be my friend?)

7:30 
John: (throws out the "old scissor move." Beats one... two... three... all of the scary huge young male rugby players and one... two... three... the not so scary normal male rugby players and one...two... three...the really scary female rugby players!)

TRYYYYY!!!  
John: (Take that you @#$#*ing!!! youngsters!!!... How's that for an old man? Huh? Huh?)

7:40
Shelley: (Intercepts a pass. Runs. Hears pounding foot steps getting closer and closer. Has fear. Runs faster. She is not stupid. Passes to scary huge young male rugby player.) Here!!!
Everyone: Give it back to her, you @#$#*er!!!
Scary huge young male rugby player: Here. Go. Quickly!!!
Shelley: (Is flustered. Puts the ball on the ground for her second try. Is elated. Proud.)
Scary huge young male rugby player from the other team: Hey. She touched it down before the try line.
All the scary huge young male rugby players from my team: Shut up, you @#$#*er!!! It counts.
Ref: TRY!!!

7:50 
John: (pulls his groin)

8:00  Game over. Beer time.
Pony Tail Girl: Where are you two from?

There's hope. But to put a little insurance in the bank, we registered for a 10K race on the weekend. At my pace, people like to chat.

Shelley and John

BTW. Everyone should have goals. Mine is to be on the Ellen Degeneres show and if that fails Chelsey Lately's. I figure if I can prove people actually read these blogs, I'll write Ellen a sixth time and she'll fall all over herself to put me on her show. So, if you would like to see me dance on Ellen...

• Click the followers button on the right sidebar.
• Click the Google+ button on the bottom.
• Leave a comment at the bottom if you want to add to the conversation. Who am I kidding? Start a conversation, if you like.
• If on Facebook, click like or unlike. Either way, your facebook friends have a chance to read it.
• For extra insurance, Share on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr
• and finally, read the other blogs. You never know what might make you laugh.

Thanks, 
Shelley and John

More and More and More Deck Tips

John: Arghhhh!!!!!!!!  Shelley! Look at the deck. The "guaranteed to last for years" stain is peeling off for the second year in a row! What are we going to do?
Shelley: That's it. I'm so done with staining that stupid deck. Let's put ceramic tiles on it.
Dad: Jeez. That's too bad. Maybe you'll have to stain the whole thing.

Mom: No. Just paint where it's flaking off.
Clerk #1: Not a clue. Can't help you. Sorry.
Shenley (Brother): Hmmm... while I think about it, know that you can use my belt sander, my hand sander, my high pressure water hose, my work horses, my electric drill, my battery drill...

Clerk #2: North West Coast BC weather on wooden decks... sucks eh?
Mom: Cover it with an indoor outdoor carpet.

Clerk #3: A sander should do it. But, not the industrial belt sander. The nails will rip the belt and that will cost you $800 to replace. What you need is a oscillating sander. We don't have those.

Clerk #4: Sorry, all out of oscillating sanders. Deck season.
Mom: Outdoor rubber flooring.
Clerk #5: Do not use a sander. It will take off the treated layer, then you'll have to prime it.
Dan (Nephew): I built most of that deck. BTW, I don't think I was paid enough.

Nephew Tyler (Nephew): You were paid!?!?  Why didn't anyone ask me to help? I would have helped.

Clerk #6: Try a high pressure water hose.
Woman in Clerk #6's store: Buy a stain stripper, a brush and use the water pressure hose to remove what's left. Then paint it.

Mom: Outdoor flooring.

Clerk #7: Whatever you do, do not use a high pressure water hose. It'll gouge the wood.

Neighbour who lives on our left: When you do something, you should do it right the first time.

Clerk #8: No matter how you take off the stain, you'll need to prime it.

Clerk #9: No need to prime it.
Woman walking her dog: Should have used composite flooring.

Marina (sister-in-law): We used the "lifetime guaranteed not to rot composite flooring." The wood underneath is probably rotting as we speak.
Deck Builder: Flip the boards.
4 year old neighbour who lives on our right: Those brown spots don't look good.

Andrew (son): Looks good enough for a nap. What'd you do?

John: OMG. We tried everything. But, ended up sanding and painting only the chipped areas.
Mom: What I'd tell you?

Shelley and John

How to Make Friends Part 2 Take a Zumba Class

Determined to make friends in the Valley, we head out to our first and possibly last Zumba class...

John: Not sure if I really want to do this. I bet I'll be the only guy.

Shelley: You're doing it. You promised me that we were in the "finding friends thing" together.  

John: Hope she's patient.

Shelley: You'll be fine. Did you know that dance stimulates the memory?

John: Shame we didn't go this morning, maybe you wouldn't have left the groceries in the car all afternoon. 

Shelley: Ha! Ha! Ready?

John: Not really.

In the car, on the way home...
Shelley: I think the Instructor liked us. What was her name, again?
John: Not a clue.
Shelley and John: (Sh@#! Sh@#&y S@#! S@#!)


Shelley and John

How to Make Friends Part 1 Car Dealerships, the Dentist, Comox Paddling Club

We love spending time with family:

Ash and Andrew,

dad and mom,

Marina and Shenley.

But, it's time for us to make some new friends. 

During the barbecue, at the Car Dealership, where we bought our truck and fifth wheel,

I make my first attempt...

Todd (Car salesman): Shelley, John, this is my wife, Alicia.

Shelley and John: Hi. Nice to meet you.
Alicia: Cool hair.
Shelley: (Alicia could be my friend. Alicia will be my friend.) Thanks. Might as well have a little fun with it when it starts to turn white. What else can you do? Right? This part - all natural. This part- has a little help. Oh Ha! Ha! Ha! 
Alicia: Uh...
Todd: Hey honey, touch rugby is starting up for the summer next Thursday.
Shelley: I'm definitely going even though I haven't played for-ev-er. Going to have to get some soccer cleats. What do you think? Do you think I need them? Oh Ha! Ha! Ha! 
Alicia: Uh...
Shelley: Do you play? Are you going? Want to be on my team? Oh Ha! Ha! Ha! 
Alicia:...Uh...
Shelley: Want to be my friend? Oh Ha! Ha! Ha! 
Alicia:...Uh... I don’t know. It’s the first time I heard of it. Excuse me for a second. Todd? 
Shelley: (S#$%!)

While at the dentist's...
with John’s final words of encouragement ringing in my ears, “Remember to ask the Dentist and his wife to come over for supper. Or, see if they want to go kayaking with us. And for God's sake, don't be too aggressive. Remember what happened with Alicia." I look for an opening.

Dentist's wife: How are you liking the valley?

Shelley: Great. We've just bought new kayaks. Swifties. 9.5's. We just love them. Well, actually we haven't paddled in them yet. But, I have sat in mine at the store. Oh Ha! Ha! Ha! (Bring it down a notch)
Dentist's wife: Really?
Shelley: Yes. We bought them in Oregon. Great deal, as there are no taxes there. Not like here, right? (Better)
Dentist's wife: Oh, that's right. 
Shelley: We would love to go out with someone from the area, who could show us some routes. Maybe grab a beer or a glass of wine after. Or tea. It doesn't have to be alcohol, if she doesn't drink. I personally don't think you have to drink to have a good time. Although I am not going to lie to you, I like to have a social drink. Red wine mostly. Good for your heart. What do you think? (Stop. Just stop!)
Dentist's wife: That's a great idea.
Shelley: Really? That's great. Great. When do you guys want to join us? (I have a new friend! I have a new friend! I. HAVE. A. NEW. FRIEND!!!!)
Dentist's wife: Oh, I'm so sorry, Shelley. I meant, it's great that you guys are so interested in meeting people. But, we can't commit to anything these days, because we're always working. Besides, I am not sure you would want to come with us, because we always go skinny dipping when we're out kayaking.
Shelley: (What? Euhhh!) Really? Wow.
Dentist's wife: Comox Valley has a Paddling Club that meets on Thursdays. Why don't you and John go to one of their meetings? I heard they're really nice.

Shelley: (S#$%!)

At the end of the Comox Valley Paddling Club meeting...
I attempt to clarify our plan.

Shelley: What the Hell? Why didn't you get up with me to introduce ourselves?
John: I didn't see any reason for both of us to talk.
Shelley: You are such a jerk. You're the one who said we should come here tonight and then you leave it up to me to try and make some friends. Do you know how stupid I felt when the President insisted that I stand on a chair to introduce myself? 
John: You were great. Everyone loved your little speech about working overseas, buying kayaks and asking if they wanted to be our friends. 

Shelley: Whatever. You better promise me that the next time we do the "finding friends thing," we do it together, no matter what, one hundred percent, or, I'm done.

John: (S#$%!) Promise.

At home...

John: Just got an e-mail saying that the Wednesday paddle is cancelled.

Shelley: Guess we're going to Zumba.
John: (S#$%!)

Shelley and John

Why our Dentist Vacations in Hong Kong, Mexico, Hawaii, South America.....

Now that we're back in Comox, it's time to get the yearly medical check ups out of the way. First on the list - the dentist.  John went first.

 

            

John: Want to see?
Shelley: Nice. What'd he do?

John: He dug out the rest of the filling and cavity, wrapped 2 wires around the stub, then attached some kind of composite to the wires.

Shelley: Ak. Ak. Ak. Stop! You're making me nauseous. Speaking of, how much did everything cost?

John: Let's see. Four hundred for the filling, plus 500 hundred for the composites on the two front ones, plus two hundred for the check up and cleaning, makes 11 hundred bucks.

Shelley: Jesus Christ. Did you buy his practice too?  

Campbell River

John: Trust me. I chose the cheapest option.

Shelley: What were the other choices?

John: He said I could have it pulled for one hundred.

Shelley: You're kidding. I could have done that for free.

John: Ha! Ha! Another option was to pull the tooth and have a bridge built for two to three thousand or, he could pull the tooth, drill a titanium screw into my jaw, then attach a crown starting at twelve hundred bucks.  

Shelley: Ak! Now I'm really sick.

John: I know. Right? I was feeling a bit sick myself when he started to describe what he would do with the titanium screw. Drink?

Shelley: It would have been devastating. Just devastating. 

John: Jeez Shelley, it's nice to know that for once you were more worried about me than the money. Because, sometimes I wonder.

Shelley: John! I'm hurt by that remark. Of course I care more about you than the money. That would be wrong... so wrong! Besides, I haven't even gone yet... (Sigh) better make that a double.

Campbell River is twinned with Hokaido

Shelley and John