Surprise! It's a verizon jetpack!

                                       

Dealing with Hurricane Sandy is nothing compared to trying to set up verizon's jetpack, a process we started, oh, about 9 months ago. As many of you know from reading, Why
Americans Aren't Spending or Why I Miss South East Asia:

http://honeydidyouseethat.blogspot.com/2012/01/why-americans-arent-spending-or-why-we.html .... the most, without a doubt, frustrating thing about traveling, was not being able to communicate via phone, Skype or internet successfully. I am pleased to announce that the frustrations have finally ended.

Verizon Store #1 -  Thursday, October 25, 2012, 2:00 PM.

Shelley: So, unless we can get an American Credit Card with an American billing address, it won't work.

Salesman: I'm so sorry.

Shelley: But we tried to get an American Credit Card last year, but they were rejected because we don't have a credit rating.

Salesman: I'm so sorry.

John: And the reason we don't have a credit rating is because we have always bought our vehicles second hand. We don't carry a mortgage, because we chose to not to buy a huge mansion and we’ve always fully paid our credit card bill every month.

Clerk: I'm so sorry.

John: Basically, we need to go in debt to get this.
Clerk: I'm so sorry.
John: I'm so sorry too. I'm going to the car.

Verizon Store #2 - October 26, 2012, 2:00 PM.

Michael the Salesman: Congratulations! You are now the proud owners of the verizon jetpack. This little baby gives you 5KB’s per month on a 4G network. If you have any questions, please call or e-mail me. I will respond immediately. 

John: Thank God. After nine months, it's done. Now we can start celebrating your parents’ 50th Anniversary.

Shelley: Thanks mom and dad for setting up the account in your name.

October 26, 2012, 6:00 PM.

John: What is wrong with this? Why isn't this working? It worked three hours ago. I am getting so frustrated. Shelley. I can't get online unless I enter the code every time.

Shelley:...

John: Never mind. It's working. No. I was just kicked off. Shelley.

Shelley:...

John: Jesus Christ Shelley!! Are you listening to me?

Shelley: I am. But what do you want me to say?

John: I want you to say, "What can I do to help?"

Shelley: But I don't know anything about the jetpack.

John:...

Shelley: What can I do to help?

John: If I knew I would have done it myself. Jesus!

Shelley: Let's try plugging it in.

John: I already did that.

Shelley: What if we try a different socket?

John: No, that didn't work.

Shelley: What about we...

John: God F@#$ING D@#$ it!!! I knew it was too good to be true. This F@#$ing piece of S#$T!! worked for less than half a day. I am going to call Michael, The Salesman... Apparently not on Skype because this stupid jetpack is not working. I will use my phone... WHAT IS THIS S@#T??

"Thank you for calling. I'm sorry I can’t accept your message at this time, my message box is full."

Shelley: Maybe you could call the other names on the contract?

John:... They aren't picking up. @#$^!!!... It never ends. I am so sick of this... I just want it to be over.

Shelley: I know. I know. But just imagine when we do get it working. All this will be worth it. Like giving birth. You'll soon forget about the pain and distress when you look at your fully functioning perfect jetpack.

John: I just wanted to talk to the boys and my family.

Shelley: There. There... Hey! I know what will make you feel better.

John: Really?

Shelley: Not that, silly. We'll just call the store and bring everything back so they can take a look at it.

Shelley and John

When Teaching Sex Ed. it is Imperative to Maintain you Sense of Humour

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Warning: This blog repeatedly uses the same diagram of the male reproduction system. 

After 30 years of teaching, my husband, John and I retired in 2011. We are loving retired life but, we miss our friends, the challenges of living in a foreign country and how maintaining a sense of humour, in the most uncomfortable teaching situations, is mandatory. This blog show cases a few of my favourite memories from the Grade 8 "Sex Ed. Unit." BTW, I have combined two teachers into one, embellished, and where necessary, made things up, so everyone can really appreciate what we're missing. This blog is dedicated to my old Gr. 8 Health team, Aaron and Michelle and anyone who else who has  gone back to school. 

Mrs. Smith:  And that, Grade 8's, is how the male reproduction system works. Any questions?

Male student #1: Mrs. Smith, you said that semen live in a warm, moist environment. Right?

Mrs. Smith: Right.

Male student #1: Does that mean they can live in a bath tub, or a hot tub?

All 16 males of the class, but not one of the 3 girls: DUDE! What were you doing in the bathtub?

Male student #1: What? Nothing. I just saw this episode of "Glee" and wondered if a girl can get pregnant if... 

Mrs. Smith: It's OK. I understand. If ejaculation occurs in plain warm water, sperm could survive for a few minutes. But, in very hot water, or water filled with pool chemicals, sperm would not be able to survive for more than a few seconds. Next question.

All 16 males of the class, and all of the 3 girls:...

Mrs. Smith: Next question. Yes?

Male student #2: You said that the penis does not have a bone in it, but consists of sponge like material, right?

Mrs. Smith: That's correct.

Male student #2: But, when I get up in the morning to take a whizz, I can barely push it down enough to hit the toilet. So, my question is...

Male student #3: That happens to me! Sometimes I have to lean over the toilet (stands up and demonstrates) like this.

All 16 males of the class, but not one of the 3 girls: Yesss! Me too... And me... All the time...  I know. Right?... And, it hurts... When you miss, there's pee everywhere... God, one time I was trying to go and... You've got to be gentle with it or man... It take so long for it to... Sometimes, I have to stand there and just wait... Exactly... And it never fails, someone starts knocking on the door... Like your mom asking you if...

Mrs. Smith: And your question is?

Male Student #2: Why can't I pee in the morning?

Mrs. Smith: The reason you can't urinate in the morning is...

Mr. Rogewin: (Knocks on the door and immediately enters) Hi Mrs. Smith.

Not really Mr. Rogewin 

Mrs. Smith: Hi Mr. Rogewin. What can I do for you?

Mr. Rogewin: Sorry to interrupt, but I needed to (Glances towards the front of the room) Oh! I.... ahhh...

Mrs. Smith: You needed to...?

All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...

Mr. Rogewin: Well, would you look at that?... You know, Mrs. Smith, I know all about the male reproduction system.

Mrs. Smith: I would hope so.

All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...

Mr. Rogewin: This might surprise everyone but, right now I am not embarrassed at all. Not at all. No sir. No siree...

All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls:...

Mrs. Smith: That is good news. Most teachers would be very uncomfortable walking into the middle of a lesson about the male reproduction system.

Mr. Rogewin: In fact, I could probably help you with this lesson.

All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls:...

Mrs. Smith: Really? By all means. Where would you like to start?

Mr. Rogewin: Let me see... (Studies the diagram)

All 16 males of the class all 3 girls and Mrs Smith: ...

Mr. Rogewin: (Studies and studies and studies the diagram)...

Mrs. Smith: Or, maybe you could tell me why you...

Mr. Rogewin: No. No. I've got this. OK. Ahem... Who can tell me why we need pubic hair? 

Mrs. Smith: Wow.

All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...

Mr. Rogewin: No one? Let me put it another way. Why is pubic hair important?

All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...

Mr. Rogewin: Do we even need pubic hair? Anyone? OK. We do, in fact, need pubic hair... This is because... because...

All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...

Mrs. Smith: Maybe you might like to tell us why you visited the class today.

Mr. Rogewin: Thank you. Yes I would. That's a great idea. Thank you. Fred, do you...

WATCH OUT: THE FOLLOWING IS THE INTRODUCTION TO THE 1983 MONTY PYTHON SEX EDUCATION SKIT. IT CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE AND MAY OFFEND.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=gLiOfG...

Shelley and John

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