Have The Roswell Aliens Abducted my Husband?

I am not surprised that after we visited Roswell, New Mexico, the following conversation took place.

John: Right. I’ve listened to enough radio talk shows. I am now more than qualified to host my own. 

Shelley: Mmmhmmm. That’s nice.

John: Are you listening? I am going to start my own radio show. You know, the kind where people phone in and ask questions. 

Shelley: Maybe you should talk to Ashly first, or study her podcasts from her show.

John: Jesus Christ, Shelley. Have some faith. It’s not like I’m going to go on air without getting some experience. I know I need to practice. In fact, let’s do it now. Go.

Shelley: Now?

John: Now.

Shelley: OK. Hello. Is this John Smith?

John: No. First you have to phone me.

Shelley: That’s kind of silly.

John: It’s only silly because I thought of it. You’ve got your blog. Now I’ve got my show. If you want to help me with my show, like I help you with your blog, call 1-800 - CALL- JOHN.

Shelley: Heh! Heh! It’s kind of like I am calling a porn number. Are you some kind of wierdo? 

John: ..........

Shelley: OK. OK. 1-800 - CALL- JOHN

John: Hello. John here. What's your question?

Shelley:.....S@#$. I don’t have one. I wasn’t expecting to be the first caller. Can you put me on hold while I think of one?

John: Ask me about red cars.

Shelley: What about red cars?

John: No. Ask me what “is it” about red cars. Start again.

Shelley: 1-800 - CALL- JOHN

John: Shelley. Don’t be such a .......! You know that you’re already on air.
Shelley: Is this for real? Am I really in the middle of nowhere, in a truck, with my husband, who believes he’s on the radio, live, hosting his own talk show?

John:................

Shelley: Fine. What "is it" about red cars?

John: No. Ask me why police stop more red cars than cars of any other colour?

Shelley: John, why do police stop more red cars than cars of any other colour?

John: 72.5% of the cars stopped by police are red.

Shelley: One - you made that stat. up. Two - you didn’t answer the question that "you" made me ask. 

John: You can’t challenge my stats. It’s an official John Smith stat. 

Shelley: What a load of rubbish. How about “you” answering your question?

John:.........

Shelley: Wait a sec. You don’t know the answer. 

John: I do. However, you’re such a rude caller, that I’ve decided to end this call. Good bye. Next caller, please.

Shelley: Aha! Now I know what’s happening here. You used Shelley’s story, but forgot how it ended. Right?

John...........

Shelley: Seriously! Seriously? Ah, Jesus! 1-800- CALL- JOHN!!!!!!!

John: Hello. John here. Go ahead, ask your question. 

Shelley: Hello. I think my husband was abducted by aliens. He's been acting really differently. What can....

John: Whoops! I am so sorry. Seems like we lost that irritating caller. 

Shelley: You can’t do that. 

John: Actually I can. You know why, because it’s the “John Smith Can Do Anything He Wants Show.” Next Caller Please.

Shelley and John

PS: Ashly, my talented, beautiful new daughter-in-law has her own "real" radio show. Look her up on: http://whatpinksoundslike.com/2012/02/20/what-pink-sounds-like-new-time-new-day/