How to Change a Poopy Diaper

I knew my 27 year old son, Matt, never really love doing dishes. But, even so, I was super surprised when...

Sister-in law Jenny: Whewhuuueeeee! Mia needs to be changed. Spencer.
Brother Spencer: But, I changed her three times today.
Jenny: Come on, not one was poopy!
Matt: I'll do it!
Jenny and Spencer: Have you ever changed a diaper before?
Matt: No. But, if it gets me out of dishes, I'm in.
Jenny: She's all yours.
Mia: Mwo mwo bahh bahhh....

For the rest of the blog, every time Matt speaks to Mia, he uses a sing songy voice.

Matt: Oh yeah yeah. Oh yeah yeah. I'm going to change Mia's diaper. I'll just lay Mia on the sun bed, and...ahhhhhh... how do you open this diaper? Taylor. Can you show Cousin Matt how to open the diaper?

Niece Taylor: Na na na na na na na naah MATT MANNNN!!! Right there! Max.
8 month old Niece Mia: Mwo mwo bahh bahhh....
Matt: No. It's Matt. OK. Mia. Mia. I'm going to open these tabs. Wow. That is a lot of poop. Mia's diaper is full of poop. And, her back. Full of poopity poop. Oh poopity poop. Poopity poop.

Mia: Mwo mwo bahh bahhh....Mwo mwo bahh bahhh....
Matt: Whoooo hooo. Hey Mia. Hey Mia. Don't cry.

Just turned 3, Taylor: Don't cry Mia. Mia. Don't cry. My Mia. My Mia. Mia. Mia. I'm going to kiss you.
Mia: Mwo mwo bahh bahhh....

Taylor: Eeeeoouuuchhhh! No! Mia. That's my hair. (Takes her handful of hair out of Mia's hands and pats it back on her own head.)

Matt: I'll just put the diaper above your head and...
Jenny: Not by her head. She'll grab it.
Matt: Ha! Haaa! Caught you! I'll just put it on the floor. Now. Time to clean. Oh yes it is Mia. Grab the Wet Ones and...hmmm..... How do I? Need some help here. Oh Matt needs some help. Help Mia. Mia.
Jenny: Front to back, Matt. Front to back.
Matt: Oh front to back. Mia. Front to back. Oh Mia Mia! You have to stop wriggling or I can't quite...
Spencer: Hold her feet together with one hand. Like a turkey.

Matt: Hold Mia's feet together. Like a turkey. Mia, like a turkey. And wipe back to front... is it? I can't remember.
Jenny: Front to back. 
Matt: Front to back. Front to back. I wipe up the poop. Up the poop. Mia's poop. Poopity poop. And now for the new diaper ...hmmmmm... Jenny. Which way does the diaper go?
Jenny: The pictures go on the front.
Matt: The pictures go on the front. On the front. On the front. Taylor, can you check?

Taylor: Na na na na na na na naah MATT MANNNN!!! That's right Max.
Matt: Nope. It's still Matt.
Mia: Mwo mwo bahh bahhh....
Matt: Ta daaa. There you go! A job well done.
Everyone: Yayyy!!! Matt. 
Shelley: Matt. I can't believe you did that without being asked or making a fuss. What's going on?
Matt: When I spoke to dad, he said that he bonded with Mia when he fed her in Toronto. 

Since I haven't fed her yet, and time is running out, this was the only option I had left.
Shelley: Really?
Matt: Well, that and, no dishes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSaDPc1Cs5U

Shelley and John
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Life Lessons

• Always park your new car as far away as possible from other vehicles. Guaranteed no one will hit you.

Just one of the many Life Lessons imparted by Matthew to his 15 year old cousin, Logan. At the end of the visit, we asked Logan what else he remembered.

On vehicles...

• Do not put diesel into cars that use gas. That will cost you $177.
• Avoid rolling stops at red lights. That's worth $420.

On  cooking for "the ladies..."

• Before preparing food for the ladies, always wash your hands up to your elbows for as long as it takes for you to sing "Happy Birthday." Fully. Don't rush the song. 
• Cook before your lady arrives or...
• Cook after your lady arrives, if you want to impress her with your cooking skills.
• Do the dishes as you go, so you don't get interrupted... like... from a movie?
• Cheese - you can never have too much cheese or... 

• meat? 
• Presentation - always use garnish. It makes food look fancy or taste better... for some reason. Not really sure why.
• For dessert, serve fresh fruit... No, that's high school or is that what mom makes me have?

On reading...

• Graphic novels are novels. So, they count as reading.

On archery...

•  Never ever "dry fire." (Release the string without an arrow notched) Cost to replace the sighting instrument - 12 bucks.

On water...

• Drink water all day long. No, that's also my mom's.

On Cereal...

• Lucky Charms are healthy. In fact there's not enough sugar in the charms. Actually, that's mine.

On what's free...

• Nothing in life is free... except girls. No? Not girls? Oh. Especially not girls.

On body odours...

• If your cousins stink, tell them. You would want to be told if you stink. 

On fishing...

   

Watch out for the dog fish's spines. They'll cut you up. Pretty sure that was from Uncle Shenley.

• Wear sunscreen and a hat. No, that was from Auntie Shelley.

On Batman...

• If Batman fights Superman, Batman wins. Always.

On the stress of remembering his Life Lessons...

• OK. That's enough. My heart is beating like an humming bird from the stress of trying to remember.

Matt is confident that Logan left us prepared for anything life throws at him. If you feel Matt has failed to include a "Life Lesson, " please share!

Shelley and John