The Germans are Coming!! The Germans are Coming!! But Don't Mention the War!

Last week John and I visited Pacific Rim National Park.
http://www.pc.gc.ca/eng/pn-np/bc/pacificrim/index.aspx  

During our previous visits, the weather was God awful. I'm talking freezing torrential rain that lasts for DAYS, WEEKS, YEARS!!!!!! 

OK, I'm exaggerating, but you get the picture. This time, Vancouver Island's west coast was gloriously calm, sunny and warm. 

Delighted, we checked into the Bella Pacifica. Other RV's soon joined us...

Shelley: (Whispering from inside the fifth wheel) John come inside, quickly...  Look. I think that couple's from Germany.

John: Vas? 
Shelley: Sie sind Deutsch.
John: Haben Sie einen Aschenbecher bitte?
Shelley: Oh Ha! Ha! Ha! Wait. So is that couple. And that couple. OMG. And that couple. John! We're surrounded by Germans!!

John: Vee are surrhounded by ze Germanszha!
Shelley: Shhhhh! They might hear you. 
John: We will fight on the beaches. We will fight on the landing grounds. We will...
Shelley: Winston Churchill, will you stop talking about zee var?
John: Me? You started it.
Shelley: I did not!
John: Yes you did. You invaded Poland.
Shelley and John: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Shelley: Stop! No more "Fawlty Towers." 
John: Vich must be obeyed at all times vitout qvestion!
Shelley: Basil!!!
John: Yes, my little piranha fish?
Shelley and John: Oh Ha! Ha! Ha!
Shelley: Oh no. They're having problems hooking up their sewer. 

You should go help them. Gehen Sie jetzt.

John: Yes, my leetle Commandant. 
Shelley: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! 
John: Why don't you have another vat of wine dear?
Shelley: You should be happy that I find you funny. You are happy aren't you?
John: Oh happy. Yes, I remember that. No, not that I noticed, dear. Well, I'll report if it happens.
Shelley: Ha! Go. But, don't mention the war. I did once, but I think I got away with it all right.
John: I wonder if they speak english. I will ask them...You speak English? Ah, wonderful! WUNDERBAR!! Ahh! Please allow me to introduce myself, I am John, the owner of this RV. And may I welcome your war... your war... you all to Canada.
Shelley and John: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Shelley: And when you're done, can you please sort out the plug?
John: Yes Sybil. And while I'm at it, shall I move the RV a little to the left?
Shelley: Basil!!
Shelley and John: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
John:...
Shelley: Are you still here, Basil?
John: No. I went a couple of minutes ago. But I expect I'll be back shortly.
Shelley: Meine Gotte!

Shamelessly stolen and adapted from the Fawlty Tower's episode aptly titled, "The Germans." 

Shelley and John

All I Really Need to Know, I Learned While Volunteering for Habitat for Humanity in Courtenay, BC Canada

What "I" learned while volunteering for Habitat for Humanity.

You get to wear cool pink helmets.

Your hot pink tool belt has a compartment for your hot pink lip gloss.

John is not

 the only stud.

These are toe nails. 

So are these.

This is a header.

 As is this.

This is a crown.

So is this.

A hammer stapler works best if

you hammer with the correct side.

Measure twice.

Cut once. 

                              Being on the roof is scary.

This should be scary!

One volunteer...  good.

Two volunteers... better.

Six volunteers... the best.

Hammering is fun,

 unless 

you 

 hit 

your thumb, 

 not once,

 but,

 twice, resulting in 

  going to your

brother-in-law, Shenley's house

so, he can take a sterilized needle and, 

drill not one, not two but, three, yes, drill three holes into your thumb nail 

in order to relieve

 the pressure and, 

take away the pain.

 Shelley and John
PS: John's thumb after our second day.

When Teaching Sex Ed. it is Imperative to Maintain you Sense of Humour

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Warning: This blog repeatedly uses the same diagram of the male reproduction system. 

After 30 years of teaching, my husband, John and I retired in 2011. We are loving retired life but, we miss our friends, the challenges of living in a foreign country and how maintaining a sense of humour, in the most uncomfortable teaching situations, is mandatory. This blog show cases a few of my favourite memories from the Grade 8 "Sex Ed. Unit." BTW, I have combined two teachers into one, embellished, and where necessary, made things up, so everyone can really appreciate what we're missing. This blog is dedicated to my old Gr. 8 Health team, Aaron and Michelle and anyone who else who has  gone back to school. 

Mrs. Smith:  And that, Grade 8's, is how the male reproduction system works. Any questions?

Male student #1: Mrs. Smith, you said that semen live in a warm, moist environment. Right?

Mrs. Smith: Right.

Male student #1: Does that mean they can live in a bath tub, or a hot tub?

All 16 males of the class, but not one of the 3 girls: DUDE! What were you doing in the bathtub?

Male student #1: What? Nothing. I just saw this episode of "Glee" and wondered if a girl can get pregnant if... 

Mrs. Smith: It's OK. I understand. If ejaculation occurs in plain warm water, sperm could survive for a few minutes. But, in very hot water, or water filled with pool chemicals, sperm would not be able to survive for more than a few seconds. Next question.

All 16 males of the class, and all of the 3 girls:...

Mrs. Smith: Next question. Yes?

Male student #2: You said that the penis does not have a bone in it, but consists of sponge like material, right?

Mrs. Smith: That's correct.

Male student #2: But, when I get up in the morning to take a whizz, I can barely push it down enough to hit the toilet. So, my question is...

Male student #3: That happens to me! Sometimes I have to lean over the toilet (stands up and demonstrates) like this.

All 16 males of the class, but not one of the 3 girls: Yesss! Me too... And me... All the time...  I know. Right?... And, it hurts... When you miss, there's pee everywhere... God, one time I was trying to go and... You've got to be gentle with it or man... It take so long for it to... Sometimes, I have to stand there and just wait... Exactly... And it never fails, someone starts knocking on the door... Like your mom asking you if...

Mrs. Smith: And your question is?

Male Student #2: Why can't I pee in the morning?

Mrs. Smith: The reason you can't urinate in the morning is...

Mr. Rogewin: (Knocks on the door and immediately enters) Hi Mrs. Smith.

Not really Mr. Rogewin 

Mrs. Smith: Hi Mr. Rogewin. What can I do for you?

Mr. Rogewin: Sorry to interrupt, but I needed to (Glances towards the front of the room) Oh! I.... ahhh...

Mrs. Smith: You needed to...?

All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...

Mr. Rogewin: Well, would you look at that?... You know, Mrs. Smith, I know all about the male reproduction system.

Mrs. Smith: I would hope so.

All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...

Mr. Rogewin: This might surprise everyone but, right now I am not embarrassed at all. Not at all. No sir. No siree...

All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls:...

Mrs. Smith: That is good news. Most teachers would be very uncomfortable walking into the middle of a lesson about the male reproduction system.

Mr. Rogewin: In fact, I could probably help you with this lesson.

All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls:...

Mrs. Smith: Really? By all means. Where would you like to start?

Mr. Rogewin: Let me see... (Studies the diagram)

All 16 males of the class all 3 girls and Mrs Smith: ...

Mr. Rogewin: (Studies and studies and studies the diagram)...

Mrs. Smith: Or, maybe you could tell me why you...

Mr. Rogewin: No. No. I've got this. OK. Ahem... Who can tell me why we need pubic hair? 

Mrs. Smith: Wow.

All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...

Mr. Rogewin: No one? Let me put it another way. Why is pubic hair important?

All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...

Mr. Rogewin: Do we even need pubic hair? Anyone? OK. We do, in fact, need pubic hair... This is because... because...

All 16 males of the class and all 3 girls: ...

Mrs. Smith: Maybe you might like to tell us why you visited the class today.

Mr. Rogewin: Thank you. Yes I would. That's a great idea. Thank you. Fred, do you...

WATCH OUT: THE FOLLOWING IS THE INTRODUCTION TO THE 1983 MONTY PYTHON SEX EDUCATION SKIT. IT CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE AND MAY OFFEND.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=gLiOfG...

Shelley and John

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