How to Play Golf - Smith Rules

USGA Rules of Golf, Jackass Flats Golf Rules - Plain text

Shenley’s, Shelley’s and John’s golf rules - Bold.

1. USGA Rules of Golf will govern play.

   1. USGA Rules of Golf will govern play, with the following exceptions:

1a. You may continuously tee off if until you land on the green, or you are satisfied with your shot, or you run out of golf balls, (fellow players are required to feed additional balls if requested.) or if you don't care any more because you are so @#$@ed off with "the" worst @#%@ing game invented, ever!!!!! 

1b If you don’t hit the green on your approach shot, then 1a applies.

1c If your putting shot does not stop within a club length of the hole, then 1a applies.


2. Gimmees for less than the length of a putter's shaft from the hole may be given.
2. That's stupid!

3.  No talking before, during and after shot play.

3 Talking, laughing, rattling of clubs before, during and after shot play is encouraged, especially if you are losing and/or you sense your opponent is frustrated.

4. Profanity and unsportsmanlike behaviour is discouraged.

4. Profanity and unsportsmanlike behaviour is encouraged.

5. No unsolicited advice.

5. Give advice freely, especially if not solicited or, your opponent is winning or losing, basically whenever you feel it will work to your advantage.

6. Jackass Golf Course Rules - Tees or turf are allowed everywhere except on putting  greens and sand traps.

6. Look carefully at the rocks in this picture. 

7. If the ball lands in or near water hazards, ditch hazards, protective fences, trees, watering areas, trash cans - drop the ball 1 club length no closer to the flag. 1 stroke penalty is assessed.

7.  No penalty assessed if no drop is taken.

8. Out of bounds, one stroke penalty.

8. See #3.

9. Excessive celebration by the winner is discouraged and considered unsportsmanlike.

9. Unless ...

Shelley wins.


Shelley and John