How to Take the Perfect Picture of a Snake

Golfing not exciting enough for you? 

How about hiking on a "closed to public trail," because two people had died the week before, at the beginning of snake season?

Shelley: Whoa. Stop. There's a snake!

Mom, Dad, John: Where? Where? Where?
Shelley: There. Crossing the path.

Mom: Didn't I just say we should each take a club because there might be snakes on the trail?
Shelley, John, Dad: Yes, mom, mother-in-law, Val.

Shelley: John, did you bring the camera?

Mom:(Passing me) I've got mine. (Snap)

John: Me too. (Snap)
Dad: Wow. That sucker is pretty big.
Mom: It's a baby, Roy. (Snap)

Shelley: Mom! Don't get so close. It might be a rattle snake.
Mom: I want a good picture. (Snap)

Shelley: Dad! Tell mom not to get so close.

Dad: Yah, right. Since when does your mother listen to me?

Mom: Oh for God's sake. (Snap) That's not a rattle snake. It doesn't have a rattle. (Snap. Snap.)

Shelley: Fair enough "Crocodile Dundee." But, you still don't know what kind of snake it is.
Mom: I can tell by it's tongue it's not poisonous. (Snap)

John: Really? It's tongue? Are you kidding me?

Mom: Not at all. (Snap) Also, look at it's head. It's long. Poisonous snakes don't have long narrow heads. (Snap)
Shelley: And you know this from your extensive snake research? Dad: Of course. How silly of us! It's from the phylum, "Idontbiticus," right Val?
Mom: (Snap) What is wrong with all of you? when I was small, I used to play with snakes all the time. (Snap) I was never bitten. (Snap) Not once. (Snap. Snap. Snap)
John: They wouldn't dare.
Mom: Ha! Ha! Ha! (Snap)

Shelley: WT? Did you just throw orange peels at it?
Mom: Yes. (Snap) I want it to coil, so it's head sticks up. Now "that" would make a great picture. (Snap)
John: Oh, it's a vegetarian snake, then?
Dad: No, John. A fruit snake.
John, Dad: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Shelley: Mom! Stop! Daaaaaad!
Dad: You do realize that when a snake coils, it's in the strike position. Come on Val. That thing can kill you.

Mom: (Snap) You guys are making such a fuss. (Kiss Kiss noises)

Shelley: Seriously? Are you calling it? Don't do that. Please.

Mom:  Ah no. It just slithered into it's den... Hmmm..... if I could just find a stick, then I could use it to pick it up. That.....

Shelley, John, Dad: And we're done.


Would that be exciting enough for you?


Shelley and John