How to Stay Happily Married Tip #12 DO NOT, REPEAT, DO NOT SAND DRYWALL TOGETHER

Sanding, sanding, sanding, sanding, sanding, sanding.................

John: Sighhhhhhhhhh...

Shelley:...

John: Sighhhhhhhhhh...

Shelley:...

John: SIGHHHHHHH.......

Shelley: OK. What's wrong?

John: Nothing's wrong. Sighhhhhhhhhh...

Shelley: Then why are you sighing?

John: I'm not. Sighhhhhhhhhh...

Shelley: You just sighed again.

John: I didn't. Sighhhhhhhhhh...

Shelley: Holy Christ! What is wrong with you?

John: I'm hot. Sighhhhhhhhhh...

Shelley: Then take off some layers. Get a drink. Jesus.

John: And It's taken over two hours to sand these walls  and we've still not finished the first floor. Sighhhhhhhhhh...

Shelley: At least it's faster than mudding.

John: I don't care. I don't want to sand any more. I want to build something. Like a deck. Sighhhhhhhhhh...

Shelley: But look outside. No one's building a deck.

John: Also, I'm hungry. Lunch was supposed to be here an hour and a half ago. You know me. When I'm hungry, I'm hungry. Sighhhhhhhhhh...

Shelley: I hardly think you are going to starve.

John: You don't know that. Sighhhhhhhhhh...

Shelley: You're right. But I do know this, if you don't go upstairs or outside, I'm going to lose it.

John: How is that going to change anything? Sighhhhhhhhhh...

Shelley: It will change the fact that I won't have to listen to you sighing any more. Go.

John: You are not the boss of me!

Shelley: You are driving me freakin' bat s@#$ crazy!!!!

John: I knew if I told you, you wouldn't understand. That's what you get when you force stuff out of me. Sighhhhhhhhhh...

Shelley: HO-LEEEE CARAPPPP!!!!!!!! That's it. I've had enough.

John: You've had enough? You've had enough? What about this morning, when I accidently shut the car door on your knee, and you yelled,

" F@#$%er!!" ?

Shelley: It was my bad knee!!!

John: I apologized. Suggested we start over.  But you threw half a peanut butter sandwich on the dash and yelled,

"Enjoy your breakfast!"

Tell you what, I'VE HAD ENOUGH! And if I want to sigh, I'm going to sigh. You are not going to stop me!

SSSSSSIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Shelley: Oh really? See this trawl, SIGHER???  I AM GOING TO TAKE THIS TRAWL, HEAD OVER TO WHERE YOU ARE STANDING AND SIGHING AND...

Chairman of Habitat for Humanity North Island, Ron with Shaw Camera Man: Hi Shelley. John. Don't mind us. We've been filming for Shaw Cable TV. Just pretend that we're not here and carry on with what you were doing.

Sanding, sanding, sanding, sanding, sanding, sanding.................

 Shelley and John

If you enjoyed tip #12, here's the link to "How to Stay Happily Married Tip #1 Keep Things Even"

When it Comes to Weather, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

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The following is the Comox Valley forecast for the next seven days:

Rain. Rain and more bloody Rain.

However, I am determined to look on the bright side. If John and I could survive living in Northern Newfoundland for two years, this week should be a piece of cake...

Shelley: John! Something's wrong. There's no water in the bathroom.

John: Did you try the bathtub?

Shelley: Yes.

John: Flushing the toilet?

Shelley: Nothing.

Shelley and John:... S@#$!!!

John: There's got to be a reasonable explanation. I'll go ask next door.

John: Bad news. According to Frank, "The Irving Guy", our water pipes are frozen. 

Shelley: Whaaaaaat? 

John: Our water pipes are frozen. Apparently everyone's pipes always freeze in the winter.

Shelley: Everyone's pipes always freeze in the winter? Are you kidding me? It's 1982 and no one has figured out how to prevent this?

John: Something about perma frost.

Shelley: Perma frost?

John: He told me we should not panic. 

Shelley: Not panic?

John: Yes. As they'll thaw in the spring.

Shelley: They'll thaw in the spring? But it's the middle of January. 

John: He suggested that we go to the Co-op and get some salt beef buckets. And an axe. He said the nearest fresh water pond is only about a half kilometre away.

Shelley: Only a half kilometre?

John: Yes.

Shelley: But, how? Our car is buried somewhere out there from the last storm. We don't even own a ski-doo. 

John: He said we could borrow his sled.

Shelley: His sled?

John: Yes. To haul the water.

Shelley: Let me get this straight. In the middle of a snow storm, with temperatures below 25 degrees Celsius, not factoring in the wind chill, we're going to walk to a fresh water pond, in waste deep snow, chop a hole in the ice, scoop water into buckets, then haul it back to the house, on a sled?

John: Our other choice is to go just outside the front door, scoop ice and snow into the buckets, then melt it.

Shelley: This is not supposed to happen to newlyweds. We've only been married for two weeks. Theoretically we're still on our honeymoon.

John: We need to look on the bright side. At least our sewage pipes aren't frozen.

Shelley and John:...S@#$!!!!!!

PS: I received a comment saying that it was a good thing the sewage pipes didn't freeze. They did. My editor, my husband, said people wouldn't guess that. He was right.  Maybe I should write a Part B called, "S@#% my Husband says Thinks While Sorting out Frozen Sewage Pipes"  

Shelley and John

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